limb
You know as a general rule, cats like Christmas time. This is because, as a cat, one of the things I love to do is to climb the Christmas tree Laura puts up every year.
I love the smell of fresh pine upon awakening in the morning as I wander into the front room to plan my daily climb. However, it bothers Laura because she does not share my passion for climbing trees.
Yet, she keeps putting up a real Christmas tree every year knowing full well I am going to climb it. So what does she expect, for me not to climb the tree? Get real! Cats were born to climb trees, it’s in our genes.
Now since I am a tree climbing expert I would like to explain the similarities and differences between Laura’s Christmas tree and the tree in the front yard. The similarity is both trees have wooden trunks which are best for sinking my claws into when climbing.
The difference about the outdoor tree from the Christmas tree is the outdoor tree is several feet taller and has a thicker trunk with no branches. This allows me to climb right on up to the branches within a few seconds. This comes in handy when I have to flee from a dog chasing me.
On the other hand, even though the Christmas tree trunk is shorter and skinnier, there are numerous branch limbs sticking out in an unorganized tight pattern from bottom to top. Thus I am slowed down considerably because I have to squeeze myself through the branches while going from side to side during my climb. Not a good thing when I have to climb fast before I am caught by Laura.
Another difference between the outdoor tree and the Christmas tree is there are lots of presents perfectly arranged around the base of the tree. Laura always makes a big deal about wrapping the presents in green, gold, and red foil paper.
Every year I watch with amazement as she counts the presents and places them into different piles according to size and shape. She then makes out the name tags… then measures and cuts the wrapping paper… and then spends at least two hours wrapping everything. I get tired of watching and go take a nap instead of sitting around waiting for her to get done.
When I wake up that is when I go back to attempt my climb which requires maneuvering over the gaily wrapped presents to get to the tree.
Of course, my claws will occasionally cause a few slight rips in the wrapping paper which makes Laura have a fit and yell at me. Well, sorry! I am a cat who climbs, what does she expect?
And did I mention that Laura’s Christmas tree has a lot of big round shiny and lighted balls that spin around and play music hanging on the branches. Plus, there is also thirty six sweet smelling red and white stripped wrapped hooked canes hanging on the branches. Sure it looks pretty—but it makes it difficult for me to see the trunk size through the branches in order for me to map out the fastest route to the top.
The other problems are that no matter how carefully I climb the tree, the lighted balls, and those hooked canes bang into each other and make noise. This has Laura running into the front room faster than my being chased around the backyard by Rex. I usually only get about half way up the tree before she has her hands poking through the branches trying to pull me off the trunk.
Even though I know that her arms are being scratched by the branches, I still do not take kindly to being yanked at and I just dig my claws in deeper and hang on. This causes her to get mad and call me a ‘damn cat!’ Well, because I am not a damn cat that makes me cling on even tighter than a feline holding a mouse down.
So, between her pulling on me and my hugging the tree trunk tightly the tree starts shaking. This causes the balls and canes to fall off the tips of the branches and make a clunking noise when they hit the carpet, which, by the way reminds me of why Laura calls me a damn cat.
When I was watching Laura hanging up the shiny large balls, she told Elizabeth when she was a kid, all they had were three boxes of round glass balls, and her momma would not let Laura and her sisters’ hang them on the tree. This was because when Laura’s one sister was three years old, she pulled over the Christmas tree onto her, and also because someone always would drop at least two or three of the balls onto the ceramic tile floor, breaking them.
Now, let’s get real. You got four little human’s standing there wanting to help their momma put those shiny balls on a tree, but are told no. Can we say a disaster waiting to happen? That would be like taking an open can of our cat food and setting it down in front of Rex and telling him, “No Rex, you can’t eat it!”
Laura said she and her sister’s wouldn’t listen and started picking up the glass balls and it wasn’t long before one broke. Then her momma would get mad and yell ‘you damn bratty kids, leave things alone!’ She would then call for Laura’s dad to come get the kids out of the front room. Her dad would yell at Laura and her sister’s to go to their rooms and stay there.
So anyway, here I am still hanging onto the tree trunk in a battle of wills with Laura. It is my will to hang on until Laura lets go and it is her will to knock me off the trunk to crash to the carpet below.
Finally, I give in and release my claw grip and start scaling back down to the bottom. Laura lets go and pulls her arms out and I know she is going to swat me when I get down. However, she won’t get down on her hands and knees to swat at me under the tree because of all the presents.
So to avoid being swatted at; when I reach the bottom I position myself so I can dash out from the back where there is only one row of presents. As I run out from under the tree I feel the swooshing of air from Laura’s foot trying to kick me. However, even though she misses every time, she does not come after me. She stays behind to make sure the tree is still locked in the tree stand and to re-hang the shiny balls and canes I knocked off. Oh well, no harm no foul, as the tree survived for another day of climbing, or so I thought.
Later on when I knew it was safe to venture out from behind Laura’s waterbed headboard into the hallway, I see all the presents stacked up on the couch.
When I walk into the front room I see Roger wrapping some kind of wire fencing around the edge of the tree stand. After he’s done, Laura goes and wraps one of those round green plastic table cloths around the fencing. Next she takes the presents and tightly packs them back under the tree making sure there was no space between the top of the pile and the bottom branches.
The next time when I tried to climb the tree, because of the presents, I could not even begin to get close to the trunk. I even tried climbing over the presents to see if I could walk on a branch and go in that way, but the branch was too thin and I could not stay on. Sadly I thought my climbing days were over for that year. However, I got another chance the day after Christmas when no one was home.
With the presents gone, I went up to the fencing and found that I was able to jump up onto a bottom branch closest to the trunk. Since I did not have to rush I took my time climbing and the tree was not shaking as much. Luckily most of the canes had been eaten by Elizabeth and David so there was only a few on the tree and of the canes or the shiny balls fell off. I felt so free and vindicated when I reached the top.
The following year when it was time for the tree to go up Roger brought in the tree stand and placed it in its usual spot by the front room window. I sat in anticipation waiting for the beautiful Christmas tree to make its glorious entrance.